Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt…

Colossians 4:6

I am sure we have all had the experience, at some point, of walking up to someone or a group and receiving an odd reaction. A first thought, of course, is, “What did I say or do?”  That happened to me recently.

The whole situation dumbfounded me. I found myself going over every detail of prior conversations.  Later that same day, as I tried to mentally sort things out, the conversation turned toward the importance of speaking with grace. In how it was framed, I could not help but question whether this reference had something to do with me and the distancing I felt throughout that day.  

I narrowed down a possible interaction with one person. If that was the situation, I said something in jest that may not have been so received. And with her, I had no prior relationship or reputation of character to give the benefit of the doubt. Ultimately, things felt smoothed out. I must admit, though, I remained self-conscience.

We all have had those moments when we doubt ourselves or wonder if we have wronged someone. That is not a bad thing. This moment, minor as it was, brought me to a sense of self-reflection on the true meaning of grace. Did I fall short in this area? Did I fail to speak with grace?  What does graceful speech look like anyway?

If you are quiet in spirit and have a mild temperament, the consensus would likely be that you speak with grace. Is grace simply speaking with quietness of spirit?  When Jesus chastised the Pharisees, was He speaking with grace? John the Baptist was not necessarily known for a quiet spirit, was he? Did he fail to speak with grace?  How would a parent discipline their children and still speak with grace?

If I tried to speak in a manner that I understand grace to be, I think I would be relatively quiet, with little emotion. That is my idea of grace and one that I often fall into to avoid conflict and losing friendships.  However, my heart tells me this is not exactly what God’s Word refers to in Colossians 4:6, stating, “Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt…”  You see, my idea of grace in conversation seems nice but bland.  I am encouraged by this verse that God’s idea of grace includes that our conversation ought to be seasoned as well.  This gives me hope.

Grace means many things. What we most understand is God’s grace towards us. Thank Him for that! And concerning our grace towards others, its meaning is not surprising.  We are to let no corrupt word proceed out of our mouth, but what is good for edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers (Ephesians 4:29). Such is a tall order but one, with the Lord, we can attain. However, at times we certainly miss the mark.

In speaking about grace with a friend over coffee, I was reminded that grace goes two ways. I had not thought of it that way. I can now see, there should not only be grace in the giving but also grace in the receiving. Presumably, should we not perceive any conversation in light of the best in people and not the worst? In mulling it over, this sounded a lot like mercy.

In studying mercy, I discovered that grace and mercy are closely connected. Mercy is “that benevolence, mildness or tenderness of heart which disposes a person to overlook injuries…In this sense, there is perhaps no word in our language precisely synonymous with mercy. That which comes nearest to it is grace” (Websters 1828).

Also interesting, grace and mercy are seen together in Scripture in the form of salutations extending grace, mercy, AND peace (1 Tim. 1:2; 2 Tim. 1:2, Titus 1:4, Heb. 4:16; 2 John 1:3). How appropriate that “grace, mercy and peace” are associated together as peace certainly follows grace coupled with mercy.

But if we are to be honest—although grace should be sought in all conversation, our effort to show “grace” may sometimes lend itself towards inauthenticity.  And without authenticity, a conversation can become unimaginative, lacking in strength of conviction or healthy emotion.   

Can grace in dialogue include an animated conversation? Or must it remain low-key? Can there be heated debate, passionate discussion, or controversial opinions and still be graceful?  Many may think it cannot. Further, such conversations do not always go over so well in our culture, especially in the culture of the Church. Is that a fair statement?

However, if we follow Christ through His conversations, they were not bland, lacking authenticity or imagination. They were moving, challenging, perplexing, and powerful.  Maybe this, in part, is what He was referring to as “salt.”

In the ancient world, salt was valuable. In fact, Roman soldiers were sometimes paid in “salarium argentum, or ‘salt money,’ from which the English word ‘salary’ is derived”⁴.  We understand salt for flavor and preservation. Salt is also life-sustaining as it helps our bodies maintain fluid levels and absorb nutrients.

We are commanded to be “salt of the earth”; and further warned that “if the salt loses its flavor…[i]t is then good for nothing but to be thrown out and trampled underfoot by men (Matthew 5:13).  And, further that, “Salt is good; but if the salt has lost its flavor, how shall it be seasoned? It is neither fit for the land nor the dunghill, but men throw it out…” (Luke 14:34-35). Those are strong statements.

In living, we are to have salt in ourselves (Mark 8:50), and our conversation is to be seasoned with salt (Colossians 4:6). Then, if “to be salt” requires that we have “flavor”, and if our conversation is to be seasoned with salt, it follows that our conversation should undoubtedly have some flavor. Otherwise, it is good for nothing. In this, the Lord seems to be expecting something in addition to grace and mercy in conversation. We are to be salty.  We are to have flavor.  

What, then, is flavor?  Other than “affecting the senses,” flavor is also a “distinctive appealing or enlivening quality” (Merriam-Webster).  The opposite of flavor, to name a few, includes blandness, tastelessness, emptiness, being insipid or in want of spirit, life, and emotions, or simply put—dullness. With dullness being our conversation, how can we impact the world? 

The Separatists, more commonly referred to as the Pilgrims, were known by other men on the Mayflower for their “arguing.”  But to the Separatists, everything was and should be discussed at length. They were known for vigorously debating in their conversations and did so considering the Scriptures. And what did they impart to the world?  They gave us the Mayflower Compact, a document of self-governance that paved the way for the Declaration of Independence and the United States Constitution.

The value of debate and vigorous discussion cannot be underestimated, which was present throughout the founding of this country—a founding based on Biblical principles. The conversation of the Separatists, I believe, embodies the spirit in which we should go forward. We can and should engage in authentic conversation, which may include a spirited interaction concerning the issues of life, of course, all within the guidance of God’s Word.

All that being said, as I reflect on the moment that brought me here, I certainly have not always had grace in the giving nor mercy in the receiving. And for those times when people exhibit hostility, there is not much I can do about that. But usually, there is an opportunity at some point to extend an olive branch of reconciliation, truly a picture of mercy.

Let me see—grace in conversation, seasoned with salt, touched with mercy, resulting in peace. I like that recipe.

I still cannot justify or condemn any comments or actions that took me thoughtfully down this road. And I am still uncertain if what I thought I perceived that day had anything to do with anything. But I now feel I understand grace a little more going forward. And that is always a good thing.

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